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If you look around, you'll find instruction manuals for everything, tips for how to do anything, and the key to all successes.

They tend to look like this:
"How to stay organized"
Do these 50 things to a happy life...
10 steps to a better you:
20 exercises to the perfect body!

All of that sounds exhausting! Putting my life into a box. Following checklist after checklist feels like a daunting and impossible task. Defining perfection by the standards I see on Facebook and Pinterest. I ask you, what happens when I've done ALL of these tasks and yet...and yet I still have chaos in my life, I sometimes feel sad, I'm not always my best me, and I still have a little extra 'me' to love? What happens when I've checked EVERYTHING off the list and there's still something not right?!

I'm defeated.

I too often get caught up in my lacking. Wasting away in the "but they's, should have's, could have's, and if only's"

Where is the freedom in that?

But "Christ has set us free"

In Psalm 139 we are told of our intricate being. Each of us knit together individually; uniquely. We are created wonderfully, without blemish. I find comfort in knowing I was made as I am. What can be looked at as my shortcomings, failures, and blemishes are part of my who I am created as.

I am imperfect - which is His perfection.

If I take the time and effort, because I know full-well it doesn't come naturally, to recognize my "weakness" as my strength, I may get a glimpse of freedom.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV)

Your Father created you as His jar of clay; His imperfect vessel. When you are connected to the vine, your weakness is a testimony to God's grace and power.

I pray that I (that we) rest in this. I pray that when Satan tempts my heart to compare myself to others and lays the feeling of defeat over me, that I find rest in knowing I am created, chosen, and loved beyond measure. You are too.

-bestillandsmile

Slow and Steady

As I read on in my book, of course it helps me begin to answer my previous questioning; "What does surrendering look like?"

In my journey to grow closer and more intimate with my Abba, I think back to beginning my relationship with my now fiancé. At the beginning of our relationship I cautioned Matt telling him that I need to take things slowly; as to not get overwhelmed or scared in my true fashion. He lovingly accepted this in me and we ventured on slowly. Then I realized all too suddenly that I was completely in love with this amazing man. As we had aired in caution, God was moving our hearts toward each other and molding us together. Before we knew it the slow and steadiness I thought I needed was not as important, I just knew I loved him and that was enough.

I think we learn a lot about God in all He has created. In the nature around us and the people in our lives. I find similarity in my relationship with Matt and my journey as I draw near to intimacy with God. I have found that as I bask in each revelation and concept being placed on my heart, I find that I need to be still and rest in that place for some time. I feel that as I slow down and not rush into things, even with my Abba, I get to experience the love He has for me in an abundant way. I get to really experience Him. I also find He is keeping me encouraged in the little steps we are taking. I can feel myself, quite like my experience with Matt, slowly yet all at once deepening my love with God.

Maybe that's what a small part of surrendering looks like.

-bestillandsmile

Surrender?

"We must allow the Holy Spirit to kindle our fire for Jesus Christ."

I like to understand things. Im learning that when I hear new concepts, my first thought is a question; "How do I do this?" or "What does that look like?"

This morning I was reading from a book about our fire for Jesus in the midst of our pain. The concept was introduced of allowing, even inviting the Holy Spirit to kindle our fire for Jesus as we walk in the pain of this world. As I read I immediately questioned, "How do I allow the Holy Spirit to kindle my fire for Jesus?" That question was quickly answered as I read further.

"Surrender"

In my true fashion, I met that with yet another question that I find myself still pondering.

"What does complete surrender look like?"

So I ask, what does complete surrender look like to you?

-bestillandsmile